Thursday, March 24, 2011

Please Don’t Pee on Me

There are some noted differences between television and real life. For example, people go to a bar and order “a beer.” This usually results in me yelling at my TV screen: ‘WHAT KIND OF BEER?!?! Is this an exceptionally shitty bar that only serves one kind? You should probably stop going there.’

Possibly more annoying is the use of home pregnancy tests on television. While watching “Idol” last night, (yay, continuity!) there was an ad for “Private Practice.” In the promo, one of the characters was taking a home pregnancy test and came out of the bathroom clutching the test with BOTH HANDS on EITHER END OF THE STICK! Umm, lady, I hate to break it to you, but you just peed on that.

Another example - the opening scene of “Juno.” If you recall, the titular character downs a jug of OJ and takes a pregnancy test. She comes out of the bathroom and shakes the pee stick around in the hopes of garnering a different result, leading Rainn Wilson’s character to 'hilariously' quip, “That ain’t know etch-a-sketch. This is one doodle that can't be un-did, Homeskillet.”

What he should have said? “Wait, why are you waving that around? Oh, GOD, what the hell is that on my face? Why is it wet?”

Unless you’re R Kelly, what I’ve just described to you is pretty disgusting. While my dialogue lacks the “cutesy, adorable vibe” of Diablo Cody’s, I think it’s accurate, which is why I am calling bullshit on Hollywood.

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