Sick from Royal Wedding Fever?

The Royal Wedding is finally set to take place tomorrow, and what I’m most looking forward to is the end of the incessantly inane coverage of the “wedding of the century” (I mean, really, we’re only 10% into this century –I’m still holding out for the first human/extra-terrestrial union to save us all from the inevitable damnation that is sure to come to us once the aliens arrive…or, whatever).

With great hype comes inevitable backlash, but I wasn’t prepared for such a wide variety of backlash. With that, here is a fairly comprehensive guide:

1.  Lifetime, being the ripped-from-the-headlines blood hounds that they are jumped on the Royal Wedding bandwagon with their very own Lifetime Movie based on the couple’s notoriously boring relationship. The channel took it upon themselves to spice things up. The Daily Beast’s Jace Lacob summarizes the hilarity that ensued. For the record, I would much rather see a movie based on Prince Harry…although, somehow I don’t think that dressing up as a Nazi and getting blow jobs in a bathroom mesh with Lifetime’s particular brand of fairytale garbage.

2.  John Doyle of the Globe & Mail lists his top ten reasons not to watch the Royal Wedding. While the list is a little misguided (he refers to Posh and Becks as true British royalty for no apparent reason), he still offers some interesting points. For example, the cost of security, estimated to be between thirty and fifty million pounds, is going to be paid by British taxpayers…but they are all getting the day off, so let’s call it a wash.

3. While Doyle’s list is playful, Ishaan Tharoor of Time Magazine is actually really upset about the Royal Wedding. I mean really, really upset. In his piece titled “Five Reasons to Hate the Royal Wedding,” Tharoor points out that with everything going on in the world, now isn’t the right time to be celebrating one of the world’s most visible monarchies. He raises a really good point; however, I think he’s missing the reason why people are so bloody excited about all of this nonsense.

4.  On the less serious side of things, New York Magazine’s fashion blog, The Cut, has compiled a slideshow of the most egregious ways people are cashing in on the Royal Wedding. My favourite item of the William & Kate ridiculata has to be the royal wedding pizza, mainly because Papa John’s is a brand I recognize.

5.  Also from The Cut, a complete list of some of the best Will & Kate gossip from the influx of unauthorized bios released in the last couple of months. While this isn’t necessarily indicative of backlash, it’s still pretty fun to read about how Catherine Middleton enjoyed mooning and Prince William possibly had a threesome in a third world country (not really, Patagonia is in Chile!)