Idolatry

We’re already in Season 10 of “American Idol.” If that doesn’t make you feel old, chew on this: last week one of the contestants sang “Smells Like Teen Spirit” as the theme was SONGS FROM THE YEAR YOU WERE BORN! Ugh. Anyway, I wouldn’t consider “Idol” one of my guilty pleasures as I can get behind its premise – young hopefuls vie for a recording contract and a potential career in the music industry. Like “The Bachelor,” most of these kids are fairly delusional and there is some blatant emotional manipulation on the part of the producers and the contestants (see: every sob story that has ever been trotted out, from dead wives to tourettes). But the basic idea behind the show involves a lot of heart.


While I don’t particularly enjoy the karaoke-ness of it all, there is some really amazing talent on the show. Even though I won’t be running out to purchase any of their albums, I still manage to get invested in these people’s lives for a good four months. Also, the current judging panel provides some very interesting entertainment – whether it’s Randy Jackson’s continued assault on the English language, Steven Tyler’s repeated use of women’s clothing and/or accessories, or the beautifully vacant Jennifer Lopez. Hey, I’ll take my entertainment any way I can get it.

The sweetest cherry on top has to be that New York Magazine online managed to get Paul F. Tompkins to recap the show twice a week. For those of you who aren’t familiar, Tompkins is an extremely funny standup who has one of the best comedy podcasts out there – the Pod F. Tompcast. Anyway, this fact alone is enough to get me to watch every episode of the season. If you don’t believe, here are some of the highlights:

…the Idols will each sing a song from the year he or she was born. Ah, but think of it, gentlemen: What if they sang a song from the year they will die? I put it to you that science can conquer time itself!

More than a few people expressed disappointment that I did not recap J.Lo's video last week. I'll tell you why I didn't. Nothing happened in it. It was a music video. J.Lo lip-synched and so did Pitbull. There was dancing. It took place in a club. What'd you think there would be? Oh, J.Lo and Pitbull were dressed like Diane Keaton and Warren Beatty from “Reds” and then the camera zoomed into Pitbull's eye and George Washington Carver married a peanut and their baby fast-forward grew up to be the next incarnation of the Buddha and the grown-up Buddha was played by a CGI Heath Ledger. I cried.

Clint went for it, lots of vocal runs and all that, very energetic onstage, but it seemed kinda sweaty overall. Like, I AM SINGING LIKE CRAZY UP HERE AND MOVING AROUND A LOT! LIKE, A LOT A LOT! YOU ARE PROBABLY IDOLIZING ME!

See?!?! Even if you don’t watch Idol, I still think you should read these recaps because it will probably be the funniest five minutes of your day. Yes, I am assuming your life is boring.

TV Fail

I’m a huge sucker for lists - as I’ve mentioned, I have an obsession with quantifying things. So when the end of the year rolls around, I practically go into sensory overload. One of the more interesting lists that I have come across is Movieline’s Top 10 Biggest Television Fails of 2010. This past year was a mixed bag. While it brought us some of the most wonderful television I’ve ever seen, (a series high for “Breaking Bad,” a vastly improved “Parks and Recreation,” etc.) there have been some notable gaffes (mainly the entire slate of new shows which premiered in September). Keeping that in mind, I’ve analyzed some of Movieline’s choices for 2010’s biggest fails:

10. “Bridalplasty”: The most horrifying TV experiment of all (Agree)
I don’t really know anyone who actually watches this show, but you have to look at it this way: A group of executives (this was not the work of one poor, misguided soul) decided that it would be a good idea to gather a bunch of women and have them compete for free plastic surgery just in time for their weddings. Someone not only came up with this horrid idea, but countless executives signed-off on it! But really, we shouldn’t be surprised; this is the network (E!) that will greenlight anything with the word “Kardashian” in the title.


7. Bristol Palin making it to the “Dancing with the Stars” Finals (Disagree)
Look, I hate the Palin family as much as the next person, but like it or not, people voted for the girl. Did it really warrant 7am diatribes from my mother about how the “teen activist” was “making a joke out of the competition”? No. It’s reality TV show in which people cavort around a ballroom in order to win a tacky trophy – it’s already a huge joke…and it’s on us.

5. Katy Perry’s Busty Disappearing Act on “Sesame Street” (Agree)
In case you didn’t hear, Katy Perry sang a duet with Elmo on “Sesame Street” which was yanked from the episode as Perry’s outfit was deemed too risqué for children’s television. Take a look:

Many objections were made due to Perry’s revealing neckline. Seriously? They’re breasts! The majority of children watching this program are still being fed by them.
2. The Cancellation of “Party Down” (Agreed)
Starz’s little seen “Party Down” was one of the funniest sitcoms on television. I could write an entire dissertation on why this show was so funny, but I’ll save that for another time. The good news is that you can catch star Adam Scott on the new season of “Parks and Recreation.” The one thing I will disagree with Movieline about is that the final episode was unsatisfying; it was actually the perfect ending to the series.
1. Lee DeWyze Winning “American Idol” (Disagree)
Personally, I didn’t think this was that big a deal. Like “Dancing with the Stars,” people voted for him. However, had Movieline put the entire ninth season of “American Idol” at the top of the list instead, I might be more inclined to agree. The talent pool selected was mediocre at best; Simon Cowell checked out of his final season before the auditions even began and the addition of Ellen DeGeneres made little to no sense on a variety of levels. It was an epic fail. That being said, I will check out season 10, which includes new judges Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez.