An Open Letter

I hope you choke on your "zen" bullshit.

I hope you drown in your own sweat during hot yoga.

I hope your hair catches on fire from your sandalwood incense.

I hope your “fair trade” items are infused with the sweat of small Asian children.**

I hope my “negative energy” erodes your “aura.”

I hope that you step on a tick and catch lime disease because you refuse to wear shoes.

I hope you become so malnourished from your “new age diet” that all of your hair and teeth fall out.

I hope the only “universal truth” you find is that no one gives a damn about your “beliefs” and opinions, so quit forcing them down our throats.

**I obviously don't support child labor; I threw that in there for effect.